Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Regarding Romance

We have all known for a long time that I have a fucked up past with relationships. All of them ended abruptly and basically on instinct, instituted by me. But only two guys (even though it was I who initially ended it) have still stuck with me, both of them because of how tumultuous our relationships were (With College Fuck, it was always this way, with Liam it has been going on since forevvvvver. Except now, cuz I am totally over it. Mostly.): I never knew where I stood with them. Were they mad, suddenly offended by insults they had laughed at minutes before? Did they want to talk about real, deep things? Things I was scared to tell people (Note: Both boys, except Liam only the first time around, were extremely interested in knowing the real, deep, broken, me. I refused to show them and severed our relationships)? Are they telling me to leave me alone? Are we going to get enough alone time that he'll kiss me?

It was either they wanted all or nothing. And I loved it. The uncertainty, the challenge, the chase. The fight for their affection. It was


This is what I want in a boy... but I want one who will eventually settle down and let me catch him.

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