QUESTION: Who called in twice to work during her first week of employment?
ANSWER: Me.
QUESTION: Who almost got fired after her boss called her house and talked to her Female Unit who informed The Boss that there was in fact no family emergency, I don't know where Snarkypants is, and she wasn't sick on Wednesday?
ANSWER: Me.
I freaked out. I thought I was gonna get bitched out by The Boss. Who is five feet tall and SCARY. But she didn't yell at me, I made good excuses, and it's all peachy keen now.
I am such a failure at this whole 'being employed' thing.
But I DID get mah first pay check! Something like $99.34. Not bad for a week's worth of work where I basically open fitting rooms for people and fold shit. Although some woman yesterday basically made me a personal shopper for her daughter. I was nervous at first cuz I'm basically fashionably retarded, but it worked out fine.
BUT WHAT YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW IS ABOUT THE SEX? AM I RIGHT?
It was my second time with him. His name is Mohawk John, although he no longer has a mohawk. I also almost ruined his band cuz I was flirting with him (lead vocals, backup guitar) and the lead guitarist. He was the one who forgave me. Plus, I met him first (on MySpace... I make terrible choices that usually end up great hahahaha) and liked him more.
ANYWAY,
Finger work: A, almost got me off.
QUESTION: Who has never had an orgasm?
ANSWER: Me. My life is sad. I've tried everything (except a vibrator... WHICH I WANT) and it doesn't work, no matter what my mental state or how relaxed I am. It's all very depressing.
Mouth work: D, didn't really do anything for me and I ended up cutting him off and telling him to just FUCK ME. He tried to argue about foreplay but I won.
Actual sex: B-, it was pretty decent, but ehh, kind of boring. Whatever.
Plus both of our stamina is reallllly low.
Overall enthusiasm: A+. The boy tried, he really did. He was all cuddling with me and kissing my forehead and I was just like 'WHERE IS THE SEX?' I am such a dude.
Anyway, I needed layage v. v. badly. So I am pleased.
BUT I WANT MORE!!!
Moving on, Saturday night I hung out with Len and this girl who I know through my ex-boyfriend. She is waaay cool and I hope we hang out more and often cuz I'd like to expand my social circle. Well... meet more boys.
HAHAHAHA.
BUT it is my day off, even though Female Unit is home so I can't do anything fun. IE drugs or have boys over for teh s3x. Even though the only boy I could call is Mohawk John and he is at work. I also CAN'T beat this one stage of Amateur Surgeon, Act II on adultswim.com.
DAMN AND BLAST!
I promise to try to update every day with mah shit instead of massive posts about myriad things.
Monday, April 7, 2008
Friday, April 4, 2008
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Vintage Job Interview
It went really well. The owner is fly and her one year old son is adorrrrable.
The only thing is, it's working one to three days a week. I kinda wanted this to be my full time job. So if I get it, I AM SO TAKING IT, but I have to keep NY&Co. too.
Oh well, it'll be soooo worth it.
I GET PAID TOMORROW!!!
Also, Friend 1 and I, along with our girls Death and Brownie (Brownie is Friend 2 from Rainbow Party) are house hunting downtown! WOO!
I swear my thoughts are really jumbly today. Bear with me.
Boy Zone: This boy Mohawk John (who coincidentally no longer has a mohawk) wants to play with me today. I am down. He's tall and goofy and Snarkypants needs some lovin'. I haven't seen much of him for a very long time. He always ends up passed out somewhere. But oh well. We've never actually hung out one-on-one so I'm kind of nervous. Also, sex-wise, I couldn't be bothered to shave my legs (or anything else) this morning, so I have, what, a week's worth of fur? Oh well. Embarrassing, maybe slightly, but more convenient to just go au natural? Definitely.
I need to go unwiiiiind.
The only thing is, it's working one to three days a week. I kinda wanted this to be my full time job. So if I get it, I AM SO TAKING IT, but I have to keep NY&Co. too.
Oh well, it'll be soooo worth it.
I GET PAID TOMORROW!!!
Also, Friend 1 and I, along with our girls Death and Brownie (Brownie is Friend 2 from Rainbow Party) are house hunting downtown! WOO!
I swear my thoughts are really jumbly today. Bear with me.
Boy Zone: This boy Mohawk John (who coincidentally no longer has a mohawk) wants to play with me today. I am down. He's tall and goofy and Snarkypants needs some lovin'. I haven't seen much of him for a very long time. He always ends up passed out somewhere. But oh well. We've never actually hung out one-on-one so I'm kind of nervous. Also, sex-wise, I couldn't be bothered to shave my legs (or anything else) this morning, so I have, what, a week's worth of fur? Oh well. Embarrassing, maybe slightly, but more convenient to just go au natural? Definitely.
I need to go unwiiiiind.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
You Can't Even Write This Shit.
A class of third graders planned to kidnap and murder their teacher.
Wow.
I really should write something based on that.
Freaaaaky.
Wow.
I really should write something based on that.
Freaaaaky.
Oh Well, I Don't Mind Talking To Myself
I am playing hooky from work. I just felt like it. Yesterday was notttt a day off, and tomorrow won't be either.
No no no, this will not become a regular occurrence.
I SWEAR!
No no no, this will not become a regular occurrence.
I SWEAR!
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Curiosity
If anyone is reading this, even just these few words and nothing previously written, even if you have stumbled upon a mistake and do not intend to ever visit again,
please leave a comment.
Just so I can know if someone is actually listening.
Grrracias.
please leave a comment.
Just so I can know if someone is actually listening.
Grrracias.
I've Become Self-Actualized... APRIL FOOLS!
So: Tourney.
That Girl didn't show. I was glad, but I don't care.
I've realized that, as stated before, Liam is no where near good enough for me. No job, no school, no life. All he does is sit around a say stupid things so people will think he's all philosophical and deep. He isn't. So it became clear to me that in fact, I am not interested in him. I have no feelings for him. If he were to throw himself at my feet and beg me for forgiveness and to love him forever, I'd tell him to fuck off and die.
But, as is the way of Snarkypants, there is a catch.
As much distaste as I have for him, I will still be jealous if and when he's all flirty and makey-outy with other girls. I know, fucked right? But that's how it is. At least I'm not pining. I barely think about him any more.
And yeah, last time I said I hated him (and told him that, and ignored him, and he brought his girlfriend to the party we were at, and I looked terrible in my Toga) we ended up fucking (I don't regret it, but I know it was a mistake), this time I mean it. All these years of being hung up on him are over. He is not the boy I liked. He has morphed into a sad loser who even gets shit talked about him by the people he considers his best friends. The only people who actually like him are silly, manipulatable girls who he tricks into thinking he's special.
ANYWAY, so he and That Girl are still conversing (more and more frequently... godspeed, That Girl) over Fizzlebizzle (Facebook) and I keep tabs and get pissed, but I don't emotionally care anymore.
BACK TO TOURNEY TALK!
It was a shitton of fun, even though some people (who had no chance of winning it anyway) took shit waaay too seriously and harshed my mellow a couple of times.
For example, we played this one team. They shot their balls (missed) and one rolled between two tables. So Len shot while I retrieved the ball. I washed it off, shot, and MADE THEIR LAST CUP, and the fat piece of shit bitch we were playing claimed I'd already shot and was taking a second. She even called House Guy over to ref, and since he didn't want to start anything, he just said scrap it and do a re-shoot. We ended up losing the fucking game. Bullshit, I tell you.
OH, and I ended up playing Liam, who unfortunately ended up paired with the best pong player ever so we lost to them. We could've totally beat him and anyone else, but the gods were against us. AND, the ONE SHOT he made he BANKED OFF MY TITS. Which sucked, cuz our team uniforms were v. v. big on the cleavage. Oh well. We looked bomb as hell.
Also, Sidenote: Liam ended up being a retarded and fucking his hand up by putting in through a window. I was super nice and like nursed him and he didn't even care. What a waste of time. I won't bother being nice to that asshole ever again.
So, the tourney was pretty bomb over all. I had a grand time.
On to the work situation.
Still at NY&Co., but I have my vintage interview on Thursday. My feet are way pussies and hurt so bad when I stand all day. It's a bit better when I'm hopped up on excessive amounts of Ibuprofen. I still want the vintage job, but getting downtown from Suburbia will be hard. I will make it work.
Other than that, things are pretty basic. Oh, and today is my day off so Female Unit took it upon herself to take the day off as well so we could 'practice riding the bus.' So much for a fucking day off. I actually just got back and there was much fighting and lecturing and shit and it was stupid. As I was typing part of this in fact, she was sitting in her telling me it's not her fault that I'm not independent. Uhm, actually, never letting me figure anything out for myself is why I'm so crippled at doing things on my own.
Whatever.
I want to do something completely foolish tonight.
That Girl didn't show. I was glad, but I don't care.
I've realized that, as stated before, Liam is no where near good enough for me. No job, no school, no life. All he does is sit around a say stupid things so people will think he's all philosophical and deep. He isn't. So it became clear to me that in fact, I am not interested in him. I have no feelings for him. If he were to throw himself at my feet and beg me for forgiveness and to love him forever, I'd tell him to fuck off and die.
But, as is the way of Snarkypants, there is a catch.
As much distaste as I have for him, I will still be jealous if and when he's all flirty and makey-outy with other girls. I know, fucked right? But that's how it is. At least I'm not pining. I barely think about him any more.
And yeah, last time I said I hated him (and told him that, and ignored him, and he brought his girlfriend to the party we were at, and I looked terrible in my Toga) we ended up fucking (I don't regret it, but I know it was a mistake), this time I mean it. All these years of being hung up on him are over. He is not the boy I liked. He has morphed into a sad loser who even gets shit talked about him by the people he considers his best friends. The only people who actually like him are silly, manipulatable girls who he tricks into thinking he's special.
ANYWAY, so he and That Girl are still conversing (more and more frequently... godspeed, That Girl) over Fizzlebizzle (Facebook) and I keep tabs and get pissed, but I don't emotionally care anymore.
BACK TO TOURNEY TALK!
It was a shitton of fun, even though some people (who had no chance of winning it anyway) took shit waaay too seriously and harshed my mellow a couple of times.
For example, we played this one team. They shot their balls (missed) and one rolled between two tables. So Len shot while I retrieved the ball. I washed it off, shot, and MADE THEIR LAST CUP, and the fat piece of shit bitch we were playing claimed I'd already shot and was taking a second. She even called House Guy over to ref, and since he didn't want to start anything, he just said scrap it and do a re-shoot. We ended up losing the fucking game. Bullshit, I tell you.
OH, and I ended up playing Liam, who unfortunately ended up paired with the best pong player ever so we lost to them. We could've totally beat him and anyone else, but the gods were against us. AND, the ONE SHOT he made he BANKED OFF MY TITS. Which sucked, cuz our team uniforms were v. v. big on the cleavage. Oh well. We looked bomb as hell.
Also, Sidenote: Liam ended up being a retarded and fucking his hand up by putting in through a window. I was super nice and like nursed him and he didn't even care. What a waste of time. I won't bother being nice to that asshole ever again.
So, the tourney was pretty bomb over all. I had a grand time.
On to the work situation.
Still at NY&Co., but I have my vintage interview on Thursday. My feet are way pussies and hurt so bad when I stand all day. It's a bit better when I'm hopped up on excessive amounts of Ibuprofen. I still want the vintage job, but getting downtown from Suburbia will be hard. I will make it work.
Other than that, things are pretty basic. Oh, and today is my day off so Female Unit took it upon herself to take the day off as well so we could 'practice riding the bus.' So much for a fucking day off. I actually just got back and there was much fighting and lecturing and shit and it was stupid. As I was typing part of this in fact, she was sitting in her telling me it's not her fault that I'm not independent. Uhm, actually, never letting me figure anything out for myself is why I'm so crippled at doing things on my own.
Whatever.
I want to do something completely foolish tonight.
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