Oh, The Hills.

Since the beginning, you have never disappointed me. Sometimes with storylines so dramatic and over the top that it makes me want to alternately give you kisses and kick your ass.

But this? This? You have exceeded my expectations.


Heidi and Spencer are breaking up. For realz. None of this, him moving out/taking a break shit, but the whole cut-your-losses-and-move-on fandango.

I LOVE IT!

Heidi basically ruined a best friendship over NOTHING. A DOUCHE-BAGGY GREASEBALL GUY WITH NO JOB WHO ISN'T EVEN ATTRACTIVE.

AND NOW YOU AREN'T EVEN TOGETHER.

What a stupid cunt. This is why it is a firm rule in The Snarkypants Manifesto that it is ALWAYS Chicks Before Dicks.

But I still LOVE The Hills.


For the record, I just saw that as a commercial for the next episode, and am currently watching Parental Control. The chick dude's parents want to get rid of is fucking HILARIOUS. She's super sarcastic and spot on with parental insults. WHY WOULD THEY GET RID OF HER? SHE'S GREAT!

First Encounters Of The Perfect Boy Kind.

Hanging out with Perfect Guy:

We (me, my friend Shutterbug and her Cousin) were downtown for Photogging Adventure (it was really super fun! We got smoothies and stalked boys and talked shit and took really fun [hopefully they turn out well] photos). We met him and his Broseph and their friend downtown.

We went back to their house, got stoned, listened to them play acoustic guitars and sing (they are soooooo goood. SO FUCKING GOOD. Snaps. Perfect Guy's Band... I might tell the name later but probably not, to save anonymity.), played classic Nintendo (SO FUN), and got fried rice (he served it up to everyone in bowls with spoons. So cute. And he totally got us seconds too). It was grand. His brother and his two friends I met were really chill and funny and bomb. Cousin totally wants Broseph now hahaha. And he... is v. v. rad. So cute, funny, sarcastic. I don't know if there's really chemistry there yet or if I Like him, but I would very much like to hang out with him again and find out.




Pee Ess-- I texted him and said 'blah blah fun, you're an Indie Dreamboat (I KNOW I KNOW. I'M FUCKING STUPID), should do it again even if you're not interested. And he totally said he enjoyed my company and we should definitely do it again. But at the end he said 'We'll see' without a period or whatever. So it's hanging in my head like an unfinished thought.

I'm guessing it's in reference to being interested. And I'm okay with that. I don't want another 'I like you, I like you too, let's date, *fuck*(or *fuck*, let's date, depending on the physical attraction. I know, such a tart). I want to get to know him, and if I do like him, do things RIGHT for once. A little courtship, a chance to develop REAL feelings before getting too physical and making the entire relationship about sex. I know. She grows up so fast.

I'll keep you updated, duckies.

420 (FINALLY)

SO 4-20 was GREAT. I hung out with The Foxy Foursome allll day.

First, they came over in the morning for some delightful wake-and-bake action. Brownie and I shared a screwdriver cuz we are that hardcore. She also rolled the saddest joint ever (named Lolita) that with our mad skillz we managed to smoke. And in the midst of Lolita, I decided we should pass a bowl around simultaneously.

Then we maxed out on junk food and decided to go DOWNTOWN!

I stopped by one of my favourite hippie stores and got my very own and FIRST PIPE! It is PERFECT for me. It's small and pink (but with a decent-sized bowl) and has little cherries on the side. I named her Jubilee (get it?! Also, ish in honour of the X-Woman) and it was definitely love at first sight.

Then we went to Ian's Pizza where they had free brownies at 4:20. They were okay, but being stoned made them supa delicious. We also ran into some other friends and it was grand.

Then we rented some movies and watched The Doom Generation (which I have seen before and is completely twisted and I LOVE. Snaps, Greg Araki) and smoked more and then The Foxy Foursome dispersed.



Then, at like 1:30 in the morning, Liam and I hung out.

I swear to god it would have been amAzing fun if I had been with anyone else. We got blitzed and broke into Olbrich Gardens to explore. It was completely beautiful in the moonlight, so surreal and quiet. Very Garden Of Eden. And of course it was lost on him. He got all paranoid cuz he's a fucking idiot so we left. Then on the way home, he asked some question (I don't remember exactly what it was) about our strange relationship, and I was completely honest and told him I think he's a huge asshole and I keep trying super hard to be friends and he's a douche cuz he never puts forth any effort. I asked him what his take on the situation is.

He said he didn't have one.

He had absolutely nothing to say for himself. When he dropped me off, he said 'see you later.' I responded 'no, you won't' and slammed the door and walked away, leaving him yelling something about me slamming things.

I know. I keep saying I'm never gonna waste time on him again. BUT THEN I DO. But honest to Christ, that was the last time. I keep thinking if we got a chance to talk, things would be good. But he'll never talk, and he's not worth spending time with. He's not the guy I used to know. Now he's just a big unmotivated, egomaniacal asshole who isn't worth the pixels on this page to write about.

There may be more Liam quips and unsavory interactions between the two of us in the future (at parties and whatnot... I am NEVER going to knowingly hang out with that bag of fuck ever again), but this is officially

The Last Chapter Of Liam In Snarkypants Land.

I Don't Want To Beat Around The Bush

So I just emailed Perfect Guy and asked him to call me so we could hang out.

Yup, I put myself all the way out there and there's no going back.

He's probably going to decline my offer


but at least I tried.

(And my title ALWAYS makes me think of Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo. Snaps, Bloodhound Gang!)

HAPPY HIGH DAY!

It is 4-20, everyone! And being the hippiebabyflowergirl that I am, I am going to spend it stooooned and happy with my ladies Friend 1, Death, and Brownie.

Yesterday was amAzing, sitting on a dock with the girls, talking about life and drinking screwdrivers, but I shall talk about it tomorrow when I let you know what The Foxy Foursome does to celebrate today!

Loooove!

I Get So Easily Sent On Tangents Of Obsession

So I was watching Tim And Eric Awesome Show Great Job! (love it, IMDB those guys, they also do Tom Goes To The Mayor) and I actually watched the credits for once (which is sad, as I've been watching this since it started... my attention span is so wack) and noticed the animation studio that did the bizarre intro.

So of course I Googled it and shit, and now I'm obsessed with finding his commercials (or anti-mmercials as he calls them) and videos and shit. They are so bizarre and spazzy. I love it. Very unique and they actually keep my attention.

Davy Force Anti-Mation. Check that shit out. Snapppps.

I so want to be friends with him.

Humanizing Polygamists

I watched the entire first season of Big Love this weekend. I love it so much. The story lines are phenomenal, the acting is perfect, and the characters are so intricate it's beautiful.

And even though everyone hates Nicki, she does try to be a good person. When she fucks up she's usually just trying to do what she thinks is best. Who can blame her psychosis with her father being who he is?

IMDB that shit.

Wow. I Just Had A Thought.

Even If Christopher Mintz-Plasse never does another movie, he will ALWAYS be known as McLOVIN.

Bizarre.

I love Superbad.

IMDB that shit.

Regarding Man Stylist 'Colin'

Never mind. He's not pretending to be straight. He's fucking FLAMING!

I LOVE IT!

His clothes bashing similes are soooo harsh. BEAUTIFUL!

I still hate that stupid bitch though. Stacy? Is that her name?

Fuck Stacy.

HAHAHA I'm Watching That Show On TLC About The Midget Family

'Little People, Big World' or whatever the fuck it's called.

Hahaha they're visiting the Grand Canyon (think about how big it would seem to them haha) and Midget Dad is is afraid to go across it on this glass walkway thing cuz it's so high up and he can see it.

WHAT?! He KNOWS it's safe. Like they would let something that imperative have any possibility of collapsing. What a fucking idiot. I don't care if he's a midget or not, that's still retarded.

Regular Son (who is the youngest) prods him along. Hurray. Claps for you, Regular Son.

They showed a preview of the next episode shows Regular Son fighting Midget Twin (the former is taller than the latter). MUST SEE. I would be pissed to be Midget Twin, getting screwed out of being taller.

No, I didn't say 'normal,' because I don't have weird pointless prejudices against people who are 'different.' They're the same as anyone.

And Midget Mom and Regular Daughter have a girl day together. PRECIOUS!

Must see it.

IMDB that shit.

Ewww that show where the 'straight' guy and the fucking annoying bitch plastic surgery catastrophe come and give some poor woman 'fashion.' Okay, yeah it's kind of cool to show someone how to dress more flatteringly, thus giving more confidence and whatnot, Lady Stylist is a fucking cunt. A cuntbag. A cuntburger. And sometimes she takes away the quirkiness of the women themselves. So sad.

Anyway, I just remembered. I packed a bowl aaaages ago. I'm going to torch that shit. Grin.

And then watch Superbad, even though I am still WAY too intrigued by Michael Cera. It is so unhealthy, I don't even want to talk about it.

He is just too perfect for me though.

Now I want to go watch Clark And Michael (www.clarkandmichael.com oh my sweet chocolate JESUS it is hilarious. Snaps for them.).