NOT DEAD!

Just BUSY! The apartment [henceforth known as Chez Yuppie... hahahaha] has ONLY been fully set up since yesterday.

So right now I'm relaxing before I go to Vintage Job and work all day.

Annndddd... Uhhhh...

I think I kinda sorta have a date. Tonight.

With a never before mentioned on here CraigsList guy. We're going to The Comedy Club. Fun...?

And no. I still haven't hung out with Real Boy. Because we are both retarded hahahaha. But that's part of his appeal.

And the other night, Friend 1 and another friend of mine

Pause.

This 'another friend' needs an introduction. She is one of my bestest friends in the entire world. Due to some constant grounding (her parents are fascists but now that she's 18 they can't do shhhiiit hahaha)and disagreements with a couple of my ladies in The Foxy Foursome, we were not able to see each other for a looong time. But now she is FREE! and we are constantly hanging out and I love it. She gets the only nickname I could ever call her by: Risk.

Play.

we sitting around, Hookahing and Happinessing and we ended up pulling out my box of fortunes (yeah, fortune cookie fortunes. I know, I'm stupid. I collect pointless bullshit. I also have boxes full of soda bottle caps and sea glass.) and asking it questions (and oh how I hope it becomes a regular activity. Sooo funny) and Friend 1 asked 'what will come of the Snarkypants and Real Boy situation?'

And the fortune she pulled?

":) Happy life is just in front of you. :)"

NO SHIT. WITH THE FUCKING SMILEY FACES AND EVERYTHING.

Maybe I shouldn't be going out with this other guy. Maybe I should cancel and go out with him instead.


You know, I'm just gonna be upfront. 'I could go on a date with this guy or on one with you instead. Which would you prefer?' Something like that.

GAHHH I'm gonna do it right now.

Frosty Flake Sundae

Vanilla ice cream (Vanilla Bean works too)
Chocolate syrup
Strawberries
Frosted Flakes


Scoop ice cream into a bowl. Chop up a few strawberries and stir them into the ice cream a little. Add some chocolate syrup. Top with a handful of whole Frosted Flakes. Eat with a spoon. Smile!

The cereal doesn't get soggy! I know it sounds weird but it is FUCKING DELICIOUS!

Trust me, it's worth trying.

First Encounters Of The Perfect Boy Kind.

Hanging out with Perfect Guy:

We (me, my friend Shutterbug and her Cousin) were downtown for Photogging Adventure (it was really super fun! We got smoothies and stalked boys and talked shit and took really fun [hopefully they turn out well] photos). We met him and his Broseph and their friend downtown.

We went back to their house, got stoned, listened to them play acoustic guitars and sing (they are soooooo goood. SO FUCKING GOOD. Snaps. Perfect Guy's Band... I might tell the name later but probably not, to save anonymity.), played classic Nintendo (SO FUN), and got fried rice (he served it up to everyone in bowls with spoons. So cute. And he totally got us seconds too). It was grand. His brother and his two friends I met were really chill and funny and bomb. Cousin totally wants Broseph now hahaha. And he... is v. v. rad. So cute, funny, sarcastic. I don't know if there's really chemistry there yet or if I Like him, but I would very much like to hang out with him again and find out.




Pee Ess-- I texted him and said 'blah blah fun, you're an Indie Dreamboat (I KNOW I KNOW. I'M FUCKING STUPID), should do it again even if you're not interested. And he totally said he enjoyed my company and we should definitely do it again. But at the end he said 'We'll see' without a period or whatever. So it's hanging in my head like an unfinished thought.

I'm guessing it's in reference to being interested. And I'm okay with that. I don't want another 'I like you, I like you too, let's date, *fuck*(or *fuck*, let's date, depending on the physical attraction. I know, such a tart). I want to get to know him, and if I do like him, do things RIGHT for once. A little courtship, a chance to develop REAL feelings before getting too physical and making the entire relationship about sex. I know. She grows up so fast.

I'll keep you updated, duckies.

420 (FINALLY)

SO 4-20 was GREAT. I hung out with The Foxy Foursome allll day.

First, they came over in the morning for some delightful wake-and-bake action. Brownie and I shared a screwdriver cuz we are that hardcore. She also rolled the saddest joint ever (named Lolita) that with our mad skillz we managed to smoke. And in the midst of Lolita, I decided we should pass a bowl around simultaneously.

Then we maxed out on junk food and decided to go DOWNTOWN!

I stopped by one of my favourite hippie stores and got my very own and FIRST PIPE! It is PERFECT for me. It's small and pink (but with a decent-sized bowl) and has little cherries on the side. I named her Jubilee (get it?! Also, ish in honour of the X-Woman) and it was definitely love at first sight.

Then we went to Ian's Pizza where they had free brownies at 4:20. They were okay, but being stoned made them supa delicious. We also ran into some other friends and it was grand.

Then we rented some movies and watched The Doom Generation (which I have seen before and is completely twisted and I LOVE. Snaps, Greg Araki) and smoked more and then The Foxy Foursome dispersed.



Then, at like 1:30 in the morning, Liam and I hung out.

I swear to god it would have been amAzing fun if I had been with anyone else. We got blitzed and broke into Olbrich Gardens to explore. It was completely beautiful in the moonlight, so surreal and quiet. Very Garden Of Eden. And of course it was lost on him. He got all paranoid cuz he's a fucking idiot so we left. Then on the way home, he asked some question (I don't remember exactly what it was) about our strange relationship, and I was completely honest and told him I think he's a huge asshole and I keep trying super hard to be friends and he's a douche cuz he never puts forth any effort. I asked him what his take on the situation is.

He said he didn't have one.

He had absolutely nothing to say for himself. When he dropped me off, he said 'see you later.' I responded 'no, you won't' and slammed the door and walked away, leaving him yelling something about me slamming things.

I know. I keep saying I'm never gonna waste time on him again. BUT THEN I DO. But honest to Christ, that was the last time. I keep thinking if we got a chance to talk, things would be good. But he'll never talk, and he's not worth spending time with. He's not the guy I used to know. Now he's just a big unmotivated, egomaniacal asshole who isn't worth the pixels on this page to write about.

There may be more Liam quips and unsavory interactions between the two of us in the future (at parties and whatnot... I am NEVER going to knowingly hang out with that bag of fuck ever again), but this is officially

The Last Chapter Of Liam In Snarkypants Land.

HAPPY HIGH DAY!

It is 4-20, everyone! And being the hippiebabyflowergirl that I am, I am going to spend it stooooned and happy with my ladies Friend 1, Death, and Brownie.

Yesterday was amAzing, sitting on a dock with the girls, talking about life and drinking screwdrivers, but I shall talk about it tomorrow when I let you know what The Foxy Foursome does to celebrate today!

Loooove!

Wow. I Just Had A Thought.

Even If Christopher Mintz-Plasse never does another movie, he will ALWAYS be known as McLOVIN.

Bizarre.

I love Superbad.

IMDB that shit.

Regarding Man Stylist 'Colin'

Never mind. He's not pretending to be straight. He's fucking FLAMING!

I LOVE IT!

His clothes bashing similes are soooo harsh. BEAUTIFUL!

I still hate that stupid bitch though. Stacy? Is that her name?

Fuck Stacy.

HAHAHA I'm Watching That Show On TLC About The Midget Family

'Little People, Big World' or whatever the fuck it's called.

Hahaha they're visiting the Grand Canyon (think about how big it would seem to them haha) and Midget Dad is is afraid to go across it on this glass walkway thing cuz it's so high up and he can see it.

WHAT?! He KNOWS it's safe. Like they would let something that imperative have any possibility of collapsing. What a fucking idiot. I don't care if he's a midget or not, that's still retarded.

Regular Son (who is the youngest) prods him along. Hurray. Claps for you, Regular Son.

They showed a preview of the next episode shows Regular Son fighting Midget Twin (the former is taller than the latter). MUST SEE. I would be pissed to be Midget Twin, getting screwed out of being taller.

No, I didn't say 'normal,' because I don't have weird pointless prejudices against people who are 'different.' They're the same as anyone.

And Midget Mom and Regular Daughter have a girl day together. PRECIOUS!

Must see it.

IMDB that shit.

Ewww that show where the 'straight' guy and the fucking annoying bitch plastic surgery catastrophe come and give some poor woman 'fashion.' Okay, yeah it's kind of cool to show someone how to dress more flatteringly, thus giving more confidence and whatnot, Lady Stylist is a fucking cunt. A cuntbag. A cuntburger. And sometimes she takes away the quirkiness of the women themselves. So sad.

Anyway, I just remembered. I packed a bowl aaaages ago. I'm going to torch that shit. Grin.

And then watch Superbad, even though I am still WAY too intrigued by Michael Cera. It is so unhealthy, I don't even want to talk about it.

He is just too perfect for me though.

Now I want to go watch Clark And Michael (www.clarkandmichael.com oh my sweet chocolate JESUS it is hilarious. Snaps for them.).

But! It's My Day Off

So I'm going to cuddle with my dog, relax, and get reallllly happy while watching the trailer to Pineapple Express.

IMDB that shit, yo.

I still maintain that Seth Rogen is a foxy man. He is too hilarious to not have sex with.

Please Discount Mohawk John

What. A waste. Of time.

We never do anything or talk about anything meaningful or laugh. It's just lame. We smoked and he got all tired, like he always does, and wanted to sleep. Fucking BORING.

FUCK that. I'm not answering his calls any more. I told him so. To his face. Hahahaha.

He wasn't even a very good fuck. He was more like an A- regarding his hands hahahaha. And enthusiasm can't make up for actual skill.

He is totally deleted from my life.

Oh Well, I Don't Mind Talking To Myself

I am playing hooky from work. I just felt like it. Yesterday was notttt a day off, and tomorrow won't be either.

No no no, this will not become a regular occurrence.

I SWEAR!

WARNING: Completely Anticlimactic

So Liam went over to his friend's house and they smoked with his dad, so they were too faded to come hang out. I didn't even see him.

I can't decide if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

The One That Got (Read: The One I Sent) Away.

Okay, the story I am going to tell you has hells of backstory, but I shall fill you all in eventually. It's kind of an ongoing thing.

I have this ex. We can call him Liam. Now, we dated AGES ago (fall of sophomore year) and I was a bad girlfriend blah blah dumped him rhubarb rhubarb. Anyhoo, we roll in the same circle of friends and we tease each other, me sometimes getting out of hand... cuz that's what I do (he does too, but not as often. I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE AT FAULT!). So we have a strange relationship.

SO, Sunday night. Chilling playing Wii at my friends house with some pallies. Liam calls. No one wants to talk to him or wants him to come over so they are ignoring the ringing phone. I decide to be nice and answer. We talk for a bit and then he quite rudely asks me to put someone else on. We were getting along that morning (he crashed at the Rainbow house for no real reason) so this pisses me off. So I say, 'No one else wants to talk to you. That's why I answered the phone' and I hang up on him.

He calls back on another friend's phone and asks to talk to me. He proceeds to yell at me, bleh bloo blee I never want to talk to you again, you are so mean, whatevs whatevs. I play the defense card and hang up again.

Then I feel bad so I leave a voicemail apologizing, saying how I get really defensive around him and I don't know why.

I totally know why. Kind of.

A little while ago, there was this couple of months where I was completely convinced that Liam was my soulmate. I don't know, we just challenge and match each other really well. It's bizarre. But anyway. So FINALLY, we hang out one on one. And it's lame as fucccck. So I'm like, yeah, totally over it. Which I was. But I still get nervous when I see him and hope he'll talk to me. I always want him to show up at parties I'm at and flirting with him is a blast (except he apparently was flirting with my friend [another of his exes, the girlfriend after me. Both his relationships after me have been super long and serious and he has treated the girls terribly. With my friend, I guess after the fact she realized how he always talked down to her and made her feel bad and do things she really didn't want to do. He cheated on his most recent with more than one girl. Yeah... one was me. But that is a story for another day. I just worry that I screwed him up. We only dated a couple months but he was super nice to me and I treated him like shit... which is once again another story. God. Long set of brackets.] which made me mad [Read: Jealous] and shit).

That was probably the most confusing paragraph everrrrrrrr.

ANYWAY. I called my dude friend cuz I was chilling with some lady friends (yeah, including Friend 1) and he was with Liam. I was trying to get us all together,
1) Cuz we were bored.
2) I wanted to see Liam.
3) He listened to the message I left him and forgave me.

ANYHOO, I tell them I'll call after we get done eating at Noodles & Company. We go and eat and sit there talking about how rad it would be if a group of cute guys walked in. Just then, this car pulls over and this dude starts getting out. I'm like 'hoooly shit guys, LOOK!' And so we all look and decide he's a babe. And I'm sitting there GAWKING AT HIM and he turns around.

It's Liam. How did you know?

Anyway, the lads joined us early, and we all had fun. Smoked some happiness, Hookahed on my porch, took a walk in the woods, just chilled. Then everyone wanted to leave

AND HE SAID HE WOULD TOTALLY STAY AND HANG OUT WITH ME

but he'd have no way home so he couldn't.

Yes, ladies and gents, I do not have my license. I am a sad excuse for a nineteen year old.

But yes. So that is what has been up with him the last couple days. I'm v. v. confused, I really don't think he's interested (though my friends do... I think they're just trying to be nice) and I really don't want to deal with being insecure and worried about one stupid boy all the time. So what now? I have no blooming idea.

Just a tidbit to leave you with:

Friend 1's sister, whom I am friends with, apparently told Friend 1 that 'the only guy she could think of that could handle me' is Liam.

Oi vey.

Saint Patrick Was Ascetic.

So my friends and I boycotted that Saint Pattie's party in lieu of our own fun. We got eight of our awesomest homies together and hookahed in my friend's van (it was too cold and rainy to go to the park, unfortunately). Then someone pulled out a bottle of Kangaroo Wine (Yellowtail, for those who aren't me and insane) and we passed that. It was very nice and I was in a very happy spot.

Half the group defected cuz they promised people they'd show up (lots of people wanted us there too but we STAYED STRONG) so the rest of us went and smoked some happiness. The three ladies that remained after the others got cold ended up singing M2M (90s Norwegian pop) under a streetlight in the middle of the night.

Prettttty fly.

I Want More Cookies!

Hurray overkill!

I'm gonna need more picture frames. Yeah, I frame fortune cookie fortunes. I don't like pictures of myself and I have a digital camera so I'm usually too lazy to get pictures developed. I'm like a lethargic Martha Stewart. So lazy I make up my own decorating style and very likely to end up in prison.

The only sure thing about luck is that it will change.
Lucky Numbers 15, 32, 35, 43, 44, 46

On the back it says how to say 'Weather' in Chinese

This one is kind of bittersweet. Like, no one wants to think about good luck changing, but right now I am having pretty badddd luck in life. So things are going to turn around! Woo!

Numbers really don't say much. Maybe those are the days that the weather will be good? Then I'll definitely have to plan a picnic around the forty-fourth.

The last one is kind of a throwaway:

You are never selfish with your advice of your help.
Lucky Numbers 11, 22, 24, 33, 36, 39

Cha I am haha. In fact, I am advising a friend via Instant Messenger as we speak!

I really like the number 39 cuz it's 3 times 13, two of my favourite numbers and the month and day of mah birth!

Why yes, I AM going to turn 19 next week!

My friends and I are having a fucking fantastical Rainbow Birthday Party Extravaganza! in honour of our birthdays (which are relatively close to one another [definitely had to Google if it's 'one and other' or 'one another.' And I call myself a word nerd.]). Wow that was some jacked up punctuation.

ANYWAY

Different colours/flavours of punch, a rainbow of Jello shots, and balloons and streamers galore! The only gifts I will accept (and not set on fire) are those that have something to do with unicorns. Maybe I will add fortune cookies to that list.

What was I talking about?

Wow, sometimes the hicks on Maury are really touching. This very stout trailer-fab lady didn't know which of two men (she also mentioned a third... dag yo, guys in the south are pretty hard up for poon. I COULD BE QUEEN OF THE TRAILER PARK!) were the father of her baby. The kicker: THEY BOTH WANTED IT. Oh yeah, and they were BROTHERS.

WHAT?!

Anyway, the touching part: They found out if was Jed Clampett #1 and Maury was all 'it's okay Jed Clampett #2. You're still an uncle.' And then JC #1 (that definitely looks like a Christian bumper sticker) is like 'no, you're a GODFATHER.'

And then everyone in the audience went back to making out with their sister or yelling at their babydaddy.

Downright inspirational.

Miss Fortune

Is me. A friend and I stocked up on Chinese food the other day so I had fourfortune cookies. Now I have two. Bahaha.

Innyhizzle, this one says

You will be successful someday.
Lucky Numbers 1, 2, 3, 17, 27, 37

On the back it tells how to say 'September' in Chinese.

SO THERE YOU HAVE IT. I am going to be successful. And my life will basically restart again in September cuz that's when I'll start Technical College. (It will totally restart again on Saturday. The first day of the rest of your life and all that.)

I definitely am going to buy a mondo box of fortune cookies and consult them when I have questions.

Also, it doesn't really mean anything, but 17 is basically my favourite exaggeration number.

'Next time we go outside I need to wear at LEAST 17 sweaters.'

Person: 'Do you want a piece of gum?'
Me: 'No. I want seventeen.'

Reporter: 'So, Snarkypants, how many men HAVE you slept with?'
Me: 'Seventeen.'

Oh wait. That last one's not an exaggeration. My bad.




That's called a 'joke,' for those who didn't know.

Good Fortune

I just ate a fortune cookie.

The fortune says:

It is up to you to create your own adventures today!
Lucky Numbers 2, 4, 8, 10, 18, 26

Why yes, Cookie, it IS up to me.

I keep taking all these little signs to mean I'm doing the right thing in making the choices I am.

Damn, I must be really scared to do this thing. I'm never this optimistic. I guess I'm kind of overcompensating, but that's okay because it gives me hope. And I AM confident in the decisions I'm making. Pretty confident.

AND! One of those numbers is 8, which is the day this month (AKA Saturday) I'm supposed to go home! Lucky.

Currently I Am

Eating mini muffins and drinking out of a half-gallon jug of milk
Sitting in my lofted bed with the butterfly comforter and sheets
With my three stuffed friends I always sleep with
And my brand new pink piggy finger puppet named Dickens
Watching Tom Goes To The Mayor
About to smoke more happiness
With my pink lighter (Pinky) that my friends and I acquired on Car Adventure (more on that later)
Out of an unnamed pipe (and name suggestions?) that was given to me (handed down, as it were) From my best friend
Who got it from her ex-boyfriend-turned-friend, who is my friend too
A good friend of mine who actually broke it in with her and me, smoking out of it for the first time Only days after meeting her because we bonded so quickly

I just spent a good thirty seconds trying to scratch a period off the screen cuz I didn't realize I typed it.

Now to go smoke with my animal friends.

RESULTS:

SHE DIDN'T EVEN LOOK AT MY ARM. She took my word for it. AKA I can't wear tank tops and tee shirts for NO REASON.

Anyway, she gave me all these different ways to tell the Units that I need to go home, like making an appointment with my shrink at home and emailing my mom and shit. Stuff I will probably do.

So that's where I am. The counselor totally backs my want to withdraw from school before I flunk out and fuck myself for eternity.

So, in other news, I went to the school store and bought processed cheese slices and Oscar Mayer (the ONLY reason I remembered how to spell that is because I totally just sang the 'my bologna has a first name' song) summer sausage and I am very excited. I LOVE sandwiches, but I also love breadless sandwiches... AKA meat and cheese.

My roommate (more on her later... oh god) needs to LEAVE so I can smoke some weed (I have perfected a way of doing it in my dorm room) and eat my snackums.

Yes, I do 'drugs' (which it HARDLY is) and I've been doing it a lot more recently, due to not attending classes and having nothing to do, and OH YEAH, because it's fucking fun and feels amAzing.

I just sit stoned and watch Tom Goes To The Mayor, Xavier: Renegade Angel (EVERYONE check those shows out. TGTTM is completely ridic and Xavier is just... there are not words), and House, M.D. (who I would totally bang. I love the emotionless witty guys)

Don't judge me. It's fun.