Oh, The Hills.

Since the beginning, you have never disappointed me. Sometimes with storylines so dramatic and over the top that it makes me want to alternately give you kisses and kick your ass.

But this? This? You have exceeded my expectations.


Heidi and Spencer are breaking up. For realz. None of this, him moving out/taking a break shit, but the whole cut-your-losses-and-move-on fandango.

I LOVE IT!

Heidi basically ruined a best friendship over NOTHING. A DOUCHE-BAGGY GREASEBALL GUY WITH NO JOB WHO ISN'T EVEN ATTRACTIVE.

AND NOW YOU AREN'T EVEN TOGETHER.

What a stupid cunt. This is why it is a firm rule in The Snarkypants Manifesto that it is ALWAYS Chicks Before Dicks.

But I still LOVE The Hills.


For the record, I just saw that as a commercial for the next episode, and am currently watching Parental Control. The chick dude's parents want to get rid of is fucking HILARIOUS. She's super sarcastic and spot on with parental insults. WHY WOULD THEY GET RID OF HER? SHE'S GREAT!

Daytime Teevee Ponderings

I wonder how it feels to be the fat* Kardashian.

At least she doesn't seem as retarded as Kim and Kim-Clone. I feel so bad for the young daughters. Hahaha I saw this one episode where one of them was making fun of Kim's egocentricity and spoiled-cunt attitude.

I also pity Bruce. What a fucking nightmare having to be around those mentally deficient tarts all the time.



*I don't think she's fat. Or ugly. But compared to her anorexic, silicone enhanced sisters? My self-esteem would be shit.

HAHAHA I'm Watching That Show On TLC About The Midget Family

'Little People, Big World' or whatever the fuck it's called.

Hahaha they're visiting the Grand Canyon (think about how big it would seem to them haha) and Midget Dad is is afraid to go across it on this glass walkway thing cuz it's so high up and he can see it.

WHAT?! He KNOWS it's safe. Like they would let something that imperative have any possibility of collapsing. What a fucking idiot. I don't care if he's a midget or not, that's still retarded.

Regular Son (who is the youngest) prods him along. Hurray. Claps for you, Regular Son.

They showed a preview of the next episode shows Regular Son fighting Midget Twin (the former is taller than the latter). MUST SEE. I would be pissed to be Midget Twin, getting screwed out of being taller.

No, I didn't say 'normal,' because I don't have weird pointless prejudices against people who are 'different.' They're the same as anyone.

And Midget Mom and Regular Daughter have a girl day together. PRECIOUS!

Must see it.

IMDB that shit.

Ewww that show where the 'straight' guy and the fucking annoying bitch plastic surgery catastrophe come and give some poor woman 'fashion.' Okay, yeah it's kind of cool to show someone how to dress more flatteringly, thus giving more confidence and whatnot, Lady Stylist is a fucking cunt. A cuntbag. A cuntburger. And sometimes she takes away the quirkiness of the women themselves. So sad.

Anyway, I just remembered. I packed a bowl aaaages ago. I'm going to torch that shit. Grin.

And then watch Superbad, even though I am still WAY too intrigued by Michael Cera. It is so unhealthy, I don't even want to talk about it.

He is just too perfect for me though.

Now I want to go watch Clark And Michael (www.clarkandmichael.com oh my sweet chocolate JESUS it is hilarious. Snaps for them.).

I Swear It Won't Turn Into One Of 'Those' Blahgs

But PARIS HILTON AND BENJI MADDEN?! WHAT THE FUCK?!
I know Joel got little miss Nicole Richie knocked up, and even though she's no Riot Girrl (um, Joel? THAT SONG WAS A LIE. HILLARY DUFF? What was with THAT bullshit?!) but I love her. On The Simple Life shes hilarious and a total dick while Paris just sashays around calling things hot. WASTE OF SPACE ALERT.

Seriously, I am heartbroken. I LOVE Good Charlotte (yes, still)! Their first two albums were boss and their third wasn't bad (don't even mention the fourth to me. I'd rather pretend its techno bullshit didn't exist) and they are still rad as fuck even though I'm no longer in middle school.

SO PLEASE, BENJI. I see where you're coming from: The dumpier of twins gets a 'hot,' super-tall, super-thin model. But can beauty really make up for brains? Hellz no. DUMP THAT SLUT.

I guesstimate they will be broken up by late April to early May.

At least I hope so.


IN OTHER NEWS,

no job yet. My favourite vintage (and I mean hardcore 40s, 50s vintage) store is hiring and I put in an application, but have gotten no word from them (nor anyone else) which is Bummerville. But I shall keep you updated.

ALSO, my homie I'm co-hosting Rainbow Extravaganza on Saturday with has found a rainbow top that she got in ages past. So we went on a quest for rainbow-tastic clothes and came back with

nothing.

I'm spazzing cuz this is the first party I've thrown and I'm going to look like a pile of retards if I don't find something rad.

Gargargar.


Also, it is my nineteenth birthday today. Huffah!